Living with the Season

Something I have never cared to participate in is new year resolutions. If I want to change, then I can do it any time of the year. However, I recently heard someone’s opinion that annual resolutions should begin late February to mid-March. The reasoning being that winter is such an unproductive time. The days are short and full of darkness, we wake up to gloom every morning, and go into hibernation mode (even subconsciously). Don’t get me wrong, I still love winter. It is one of my favorite seasons, but I agree with this idea. I don’t want to make productive changes at such an unproductive time of year. I just want to sip my warm coffee and watch the snow fall. But now in mid-February? I’m dying for some change. The seasons shifting sparks so much inspiration inside me. It’s like waking up from a deep sleep and seeing the sunrise out of my window. I’m ready to get up and go.

One change I’m trying to make now is how I make my decisions from here on out. For so long, I’ve let fear of failure guide me. If I wasn’t great at something right away, I wanted nothing to do with it. I lived with this mentality until recently, and it probably robbed me of so many wonderful experiences. For years I have been afraid of self-publishing because I thought I didn’t have what it took to manage my own books. I think I’ve been managing pretty well. Up until recently, I feared taking myself as an artist seriously. I didn’t think my skillset was something other people would want to see, not to mention buy. Even now, I still struggle with this fear. But the love for what I paint outweighs the fear of failure. The desire to share my art with others outweighs the fear that no one will care about it.

I could go on and on about how I restricted myself over the years, but what’s past is past. Going forward, I will continue to try and better myself and the view I have of myself. Already, I have some ideas where this will lead me. Places completely outside of my comfort zone, for sure. However, that excites me. If there’s anything I wish to accomplish in my lifetime, it’s pushing myself to grow. Whether as a person or creator, I won’t be able to grow by hiding in what’s comfortable. If I could give past Julia advice, I would tell her to live life with the intention of enjoying it, not doing it right. And this is my advice for anyone now that faces anxiety. It’s so easy to get stuck on doing things the right way, but what is right? As far as I’m concerned, the world is round; so going left eventually leads me to where right would have led me, and I probably had some fun memories made along the left path too. As long as people remember everyone’s circumstances are different and no two people accomplish the same thing the exact same way, comparison should stop stealing our joy. So for now, while I’m waiting for the seasons to change, I’m planning. The skies might be grey for the moment, but I’ll be able to enjoy when the sun breaks through more if I start preparing right now.