The Almost Season of Change

Ohio got a taste of Autumn last week and it was the best feeling ever. Of course, today it is 90°F and feels like Satan breathing down your neck every time the breeze hits you. August is a strange time of year. From the bipolar weather, to the constant changes it brings, and the fact the days are already noticeably getting darker. I’ve associated August with new beginnings since I was in school, and even for a few years after when I worked in a school. The new academic term began in August every year, and that was always the first mark of Autumn. However, though I no longer have any dealing with schools or academic terms, August is still more Autumn than September is. Yes, it’s hot and humid, but Autumn is a time of change and this month brings on the most in my opinion. Especially this year.

Even with all the research I’ve gathered about self-publishing, I still never would have imagined how much work goes into it. The end of summer was always my loose goal for being ready to pick a release date for Fate of Shadows, and I’m rather happy I tend to forget that Summer actually ends in September. Every time I try to write down a list of what needs to be done, I underestimate the length of it. What really gets me though is I’m the only reason everything hasn’t been finished! Not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s a bit daunting to know that elusive release date relies solely on my self-discipline. Again, I’m happy that Autumn doesn’t start until next month for once.

The remaining main tasks on my list seem simple, but they are honestly some of the hardest points for me. I decided to save some of my budget by doing my own cover art. This is terrifying, for many reasons, but mainly because I don’t have enough faith in my artistic skills to accurately portray my book. I mean, it’s only the entire face of the novel I put everything I had into, right? No big deal. That being said, I am quite pleased with the compositions I’ve sketched out. Next is finding a program to format the book with. This one isn’t as bad, merely just figuring out how I want the interior of the book to look like. But lastly? This one will remain last because I have no idea how to go about it. Marketing. I am not good at selling my own products. Merely talking about my book with people gives me stress. I’m good at writing words, not speaking them. Not only that, but building a social media presence is intimidating. Yes, there are companies that help connect you with places to advertise your book, but I still need to be the face of it. I still need to convince people to be interested in it, buy it, and then like it. How do I even do that? What even are words????? Frankly, this is one of the main reasons why I tried to publish traditionally for years. I knew these steps would have been trying, and I wanted to let someone who knew what they were doing help me. But alas, here I am. And I couldn’t be happier for it, if not anxious. Not only am I learning so many new skills, but I’m also finally seeing that I am able to do this on my own (with the help of the internet and support of my lovely friends and family, of course!). I doubted my ability for so many years. And here I am, making it so that I am the one who publishes myself, no longer waiting around to find someone who wants to take a risk on my novel. The feeling is powerful, but that power also brings fear. Fear of failure, fear of taking that leap, and fear of mistakes. And fear that whatever cover I put on my book looks like the workings of a rogue toddler. It’s a fear that lingers, but one that motivates me to put everything I have into this project. Because as I said earlier, I am the only one keeping my book unpublished at this point. And I can’t tell you how badly my soul aches for it.

Anyhoo, I hadn’t posted all month so I thought I’d share what’s been going on to anyone who’s interested. More to come in following weeks for sure, especially when a date is finally picked! Oh, and one more thing to add to the list is that I’m trying to reset my sleep schedule, or rather, resurrect it from the grave it sleeps in. The only reason I’m writing this right now is to try and keep myself awake after a long day of work. Controlling my coffee intake is next, but I’m only willing to make myself suffer over one thing at a time. Fall can’t get here soon enough…